Happy New Year

And a belated Merry Christmas to all our friends and family (who may have gathered by now that we stayed in Dubai for a relaxing Christmas again this year).

Sheikh Mohammed has put a last minute spanner in the works of all the planned New Year's events in the Emirate. As a token of support to the people in Gaza he has ordered that all celebrations be cancelled. I have some sympathy with the gesture, although I may not have been so happy if we'd forked out 3,000 Dhs each to see the fireworks at the Burj al Arab and Jumeirah Beach hotel. The Beckhams, Tom Cruise and Hugh Grant (all reportedly in town) will have to put up with a very expensive meal with no music or dancing.

Anyway, we've had a good Christmas and Santa was extremely generous to all.

Where did November go?

I feel like I've just sat down, caught my breath, and realised that the year is nearly over.

The kids have now finished school and will only be there for 4 days in December. Hardly worth bothering. We had planned to go on holiday this week but the two screws holding Janet's ankle together have put paid to that. It's a frustrating time for her and things should get much easier after she's had them removed on the 21st December.

Although we have had quite a bit of rain over the past week, this is probably the best time of year in the Emirates. The unbearably hot and hazy days of summer have been replaced by blue skies, gentle breezes and pleasant temperatures. The AC is off and shouldn't be needed much for the next few months.

Ben played in his second rugby tournament last week. His team, Dubai Hurricanes U-7s, were much improved but were knocked out at the pool stage. At least they won one game and got a medal for turning up. The main thing though is the amount of fun they all had and it was great to see the first signs of teamwork blossoming.

The main social highlight of the month was Lucy's 8th birthday party. She invited her friends round to our villa for a pool party and it all went off very successfully.

The other main news in the Dubai for the month includes the sex on the beach case fizzling out with them being quietly deported, the arrival of the QE2 to it's new home as a hotel on the Palm Jumeirah, the grand opening of Atlantis with the world's largest firework display - only to be trumped by an even bigger one at Emirates Palace on UAE National Day.

Oh, and the credit crunch well and truly arrived. House prices sliding, people being 'retrenched', projects put 'on hold', Dubai revealed to be $80bn in debt. Pretty much the same as everywhere else then.

You heard it here first

Spotted at the kids school, JESS, this afternoon was none other than Andrew 'Freddie' Flintoff, the best all-rounder in the world (yes, I do know about Jacob Oram).  He was being shown round with his children. Needless to say, he wasn't spotted by my wife as he came into her classroom. She just thought it was a big man who rudely didn't take his cap off and whose child had to be told off for rooting through her drawers.  Who knows, perhaps Mrs Flintoff has had enough of being abandoned in Preston every winter as he jets off to sunnier climes? I, for one, wouldn't blame her.

I have been at JESS quite a bit myself in the past week doing drop offs and pick ups. Janet twisted and slipped on some inocuous looking steps as we were leaving a friends party. It looked for all the world as if she had just sprained her ankle. It was only when we went to the hospital the next morning that the x-ray confirmed a nasty break and a maisonneuve fracture of the ankle. She's having an operation in the morning to put a couple of screws in. 

Atlantis

Eid al Fitr came a day earlier, and hence Ramadan finished a day earlier, than expected thanks to the keen eyes of the Moon Spotting Committee. The children have been on holiday all week and I took time off too. I did try to book a trip away but pretty much every hotel room in the Emirates was booked. Not to worry - this week we've been tourists in our own city.


The latest Dubai 'Mega-Project' to be completed is the Atlantis Hotel on Palm Jumeirah. Coined 'The Eighth Chunder of the World' by The Sun, this hotel is enormous - 1,539 rooms and over 1.5km long. It opened on the 24th September as planned in spite of a last minute fire on the roof of the reception. Some people we know who were staying there complained bitterly about the noise the construction workers were making throughout the night trying to put it right.


Anyway, we had a great day out there. It wasn't busy and they were obviously geared up for several times more tourists. The rides were good although we didn't try the 'leap of faith' - the near vertical drop into a tube through a shark filled tank. The rides probably were no better than Wild Wadi, although there is a much better sense of space as it is six times bigger. Still, it's not a cheap day out. For 5 people, with a fast food lunch, it costs over £200.

Iftar Rush

I spent today in Abu Dhabi. It was only meant to be a short meeting, but in the end it lasted all day. The Welsh guy I was visiting has only been in Abu Dhabi for 2 weeks, after spending the last five years in the south of France. As such, he is not yet ‘culturally attuned’ and must have wondered why I was so eager to leave and get back to Dubai before Iftar, the fast breaking meal.

What he didn’t realise was that many muslims stay up most of the night during Ramadan and don’t eat, drink or smoke before Iftar. As a result, they are tired, hungry, thirsty, craving nicotine and desperate to be home for Iftar. The road between Abu Dhabi and Dubai turns into a version of Wacky Races, only at much higher speeds (the speed cameras don't go off until over 100 mph). Four accidents held me up, thankfully none too serious, but police have urged people to stay off the roads due to a surge in road deaths.

Ramadan is a quiet period and there hasn't been too much to blog about. We had a little bit of excitement last week as we felt the tremors from a decent sized earthquake in Iran. All of the high rise offices where I work on Sheikh Zayed Road shook alarmingly and everybody spontaneously evacuated. All, that is, apart from my friend Scott. He was obviously engrossed in whatever he was doing in the bathroom, didn't feel the earth move, and, on his return, was completely at a loss to explain why the entire office building had turned into the Marie Celeste!

I've joined a local running club, Dubai Road Runners, in another attempt to get fit and lose weight. They have an event every Saturday evening when you run around Safa Park and predict how long it will take you. The results are published on their website, where you can see how pathetically slow I am at the moment. In my defence though it has been quite warm. The temperature for the last run was at least 35 degrees with 80% humidity. I'm quite pleased with myself that I can run in this at all.

A few weeks ago I was involved in a meeting in Jebel Ali with quite a few attendees from Qatar. The boss, an amiable Egyptian, came up to me, shook hands, smiled and said 'saba al khair'. I looked back at him blankly. 'You've been here two years', he said, 'and you can't even say good morning'. I felt slightly embarrassed and decided to start arabic lessons. Janet has joined me to, and we've been going to the University of Wollongong three times a week to learn arabic from a lovely Jordanian girl called Feda Shtia (I kid you not).

The language is not easy. Twenty eight letters, each of which can be pronounced in 4 different ways depending on whether it has a short vowel or not. To confuse things further, the short vowels aren't needed by fluent arabic speakers and so they generally aren't written down. However, I think we are starting to get the hang of it. There is a certain beauty in the arabic script and I have been enjoying starting to be able to read the previously illegible squiggles. There is no letter p in arabic and it is generally replaced by the letter b. I was particularly pleased to be able to read this evening that my local supermarket is called 'bark n shop'!

Ramadan Readiness

Ramadan starts on Monday, the first of September, the day the kids start at their new school JESS. For Max, aged 3, it will be his first ever day at school. They start them young here.

It will be our third Ramadan in Dubai and I suspect, now that we know the ropes, it will be significantly easier than the previous two.

I went up on the roof of our new villa to take some photos. Below is the Burj Dubai, the tallest free standing structure in the world and not even finished. The skyscrapers surrounding it are all about the size of Canary Wharf tower in London.

Most of our neighbours leave in slightly more impressive villas than we do...

Still, this is our (shared) garden. Not bad.

Ten little Indians

We moved yesterday. Up there, they say, stress wise, with death and divorce.

At 9 o'clock lots of little Indian men came into the house. 'There are ten of us', the main man said. This was only packers and didn't include supervisors (who did precisely nothing) and drivers (slightly less than nothing). Their numbers swelled to 14 packers by mid afternoon. At one point they formed a human chain shifting boxes and furniture much in the same way as I imagine fires were fought with buckets of water before the hosepipe was invented. This was moving Dubai style, and extremely impressive it was too. We contrasted it with our last move in the UK when two old overweight men, sans packing, loaded our stuff into a van for twice as much money.

When they finally left at 8 in the evening our house had been miraculously transported into the new villa. Although there are still a few teething problems, it's hard to imagine how things could have gone better.

We've also just returned from two weeks holiday back home in the UK visiting friends and family, all of whom did their best to fatten us up further. The weather was generally kind to us. However, once you have experienced summer in the UAE it is hard to take seriously complaints that 27 degrees is 'too hot'. When we landed at Dubai Airport on our return, at 1.30 in the morning, it was 36 degrees.

Moving

All three kids are moving to the school where Janet teaches, JESS, in September. The school is in Jumeirah and a bit of a trek from our current villa in the Meadows. So, we've taken the decision to move and last month I duly informed the Landlord that we would not be renewing our lease this year. He must be delighted. Rental prices just continue to go up and up. A quick look on the Better Homes website showed that the cheapest villa for rent in the Meadows is 400,000 Dhs per year (£56,000 per year). Not many people even earn that much. To put it in perspective, our current rent is 165,000 Dhs per year (£23,000) - a bargain by comparison. To make it even worse, paying monthly is totally unheard of and one cheque for the whole lot is the norm, two if you're lucky. Plenty of banks will lend you this money but, unless your company is paying it, renting in Dubai is a very expensive business.

So, naturally, I was nervous about trying to find somewhere amidst the Jumeriah Janes and rich Emiratis in the most fashionable and expensive part of town. There is no point looking too soon either. Properties are snapped up so fast you have to take it there and then if you want it.

Anyway, for once, after a bit of persistence we have well and truly landed on our feet. One of Janet's colleagues husband was moved by his company to Singapore in May. We went to their leaving party (where expats dispose of their alcohol supplies) at their government owned villa in a particularly posh bit of Al Safa 2. I have been phoning the number on the outside of the villa most days for a couple of months with absolutely no joy other than I had to 'speak to Mohammed'. Eventually we had a bit of luck and the Caretaker provided Janet with Mohammed's number. 'Yes, you can have', he said. I couldn't believe it was still available and rushed over to their office in Karama the next day with a wedge of 500Dh notes as deposit. We've (or more accurately, my company) paid 280,000 Dhs. A lot of money but unbelievably cheap by comparison. The location is perfect. The supermarket, booze shop and restaurants are at the top of the next street. School is two minutes away and the main motorway, Sheikh Zayed Road, just around the corner. Our neighbours are the Chinese and Tanzanian Consultates and a bunch of mansions.

The villa is not quite as big as the place we're in now, but has 4 ensuite bedrooms and a gate leads to a lovely communal area (shared by 8 villas) with a swimming pool and gym. Not exactly slumming it, in fact.

Schools Out

And not before time. Schools here finished at the end of June - a full month before UK schools - but it felt like the end would never come. The kids have all been crabby and suffering from a rash called slapped cheek, which looks worse than it is. Lucy has also had a lingering ear infection which three useless doctors failed to sort out.

It’s very, very hot at the moment. The temperature in Abu Dhabi reached 51.4 degrees earlier in the week and 49 degrees near us in Jebel Ali. It is hard to describe just how hot 50 degrees is. The air you breathe is hot and unpleasant. You break out in a profuse sweat and staying outside for more than a few minutes is pretty much unbearable. The human body, no matter how well acclimatised, is just not designed to cope. People here know this full well and the Government bans outside working between 12.30 and 3pm for July and August. Except, that is, in the Free Zone. When I visit one of my clients with 3,000 employees in Jebel Ali they are all outside, welding and the like, all day long. I honestly have no idea how they do it. And all for a little over a £100 a month.

Back to more trivial matters. I've finally got rid of the nasty Pajero and replaced it with a beautiful red Saab convertible. The mid-life crisis, it seems, continues unabated. As the Sales Manager, a Jamie Oliver look and sound-alike, said 'lots of western expats feel the need to get the convertible thing out of their system'. Well, why not? At least we have the climate for it.

Yesterday was the 4th July and Lucy went to a party at Emirates Golf Club with her Californian friend Isabel and her parents. There was a 70s theme and Janet spent most of the morning making her outfit for her. She looked wonderful - and, yes, she really is only seven.

Mobile Blogging

I'm writing this in a cafe in Abu Dhabi. I am struck by how I seem to be the only one not smoking and realise how much more pleasant the Dubai malls and hotels are now that the smoking ban is in effect. Anyway, I don't have my laptop with me and I'm using my latest gadget, a Nokia N95 8GB mobile phone and a portable Stowaway keyboard.

It is fair to say that I, like many men, have a predilection for gadgets. This is not reciprocated at home and I'm not allowed to talk about it (Rule number one, 'Do not bore her').

This phone is amazing. I've had it a while but am only now starting to delve a little deeper into what it can do. It's so good that Reuters have been running trials issuing them to journalists to replace all the kit that they cart around.

Apart from the obvious things like email, Skype, internet browsing, mp3 and superb video player (good as a PSP) it also has a very good satnav system (although the map is struggling to keep up with the changes in the Dubai road system). My new favourite application, Sports Tracker, logs your running/cycling route, tells you your speed as you go along and then uploads the details and route (which can be laid over Google Earth) to a diary on the web.

The camera, 5MP, and video camera are also excellent. One other thing I like to do to feel like I'm keeping in touch with the UK is downloading podcasts, mostly from the BBC, to listen to in the car on the way to work. Now I no longer have to miss my weekly dose of the Jonathan Ross show, and it's much better than the dire radio stations here.

Life has been hectic recently, but should calm down a bit when school finishes next week. Last weekend was the school end of term party for the teachers. I was sat next to a very likeable Iranian banker, Hamid, who had lived in the UK for the majority of his life. He told me he had lived in Iran for a few years but preferred Dubai. I noticed he had a beer so asked him if there was any alcohol in Iran. He replied that when his container arrived at the docks in Iran the customs officer asked him if there was any alcohol in it. Of course he said no. 'What are you going to do for alcohol then?', asked the man, and gave him the phone number of someone who delivered! Apparently it's easier for a Muslim to buy booze in Tehran than Dubai!

Who ate all the pies?

When I was a young man I used to tease my father no end about his ever increasing girth. 'It'll come to you one day, and then you won't be laughing' was his usual response. 'Nonsense', I would always say, 'I'll never be fat like that'. Several sessions of judo a week, weights and circuit training meant I could pretty well eat and drink what I wanted and still comfortably compete in judo competitions at under 65kg (about 10 stone). Well, that was then. On Thursday evening, getting ready to go to a party I realised that not only were my trousers uncomfortably tight, but that my shirt wouldn't button up properly. The scales indicated that my weight has gone up to over 80kgs and my father's prophecy has come to pass.

At least I am not alone. There is a phenomenon here known as the 'Dubai Stone'. Basically it arises from eating out a lot at 'all you can eat buffets', drinking too much and becoming lazy because of the heat. I'm obviously going to have to do something about it. But, it's not easy. I've just come back from a short two mile run at 8.30 at night. The temperature is still in the mid-thirties and I'm a sweaty wreck. Anyway, at least my legs aren't the same pasty white that they have been for the past 40 years - small mercies indeed.

It really is starting to get hot now, and you can sense the gradual slowdown that greets the start of the seriously hot summer weather yet to come. It's still not too hot that you can't go out though. Last week was half term and we went over to Fujairah again for a short break. This time we stayed at the Rotana hotel, and very pleasant it was too - no shortage of 'all you can eat buffets'...

Aerial View

I travelled to Bahrain earlier in the week. The plane took a flight path I haven't been on before, more or less parallel to the city. It was a clear day, I had a perfect view, and the views were spectacular. I was a bit slow to get my camera out but I took this picture of the Palm as we banked around and headed out to sea.

Dubai really is starting to take shape and it is an exciting place to be at the moment.

Gulf Photo Plus

Today I've been on a course taking portraits using natural light at Gulf Photo Plus 2008, with the American photographer Bobbi Lane. I had a great time and learnt a lot - not least of which was lot of the funny buttons on my camera do.

It was supposed to be for 'confident beginners', but it was clear that many of the attendees were professional photographers. This made me a little nervous to start, but it was OK as we got going. In the morning I was in a group with a couple of Russian girls. Olga, model turned photographer, was great and really knew how to get the best out of the model. The afternoon wasn't as good, I was in a different group, and we didn't really hit it off with the models.

Anyway, a few of the best pics I took are below. There is another part to the course on Thursday evening when I learn how to improve them in Photoshop.












I don't like any of them as much as this one taken of Ben in the bath last week though.

48 hours of H E L L

This is how the wonderfully named Dr Millicent Grim, consultant opthalmologist, described corneal erosion.

I'd been watering the plants in the garden with the youngest one. As I carried him back into the house he reached to push the patio door shut. His hand slipped off and he caught me smack in the middle of my eyeball with a stunning right cross which ripped away a piece of the protective epithelium. The pain is excruciating.

If you ever have the misfortune to suffer this type of injury, I have two pieces of advice. One, go to the doctor straight away and get a pain killer and a 'bandage contact lens' put in. Do not suffer a painful, sleepless night as I did. Two, keep out of the light. Do not try, as I did, to make a short walk to the clinic in Dubai sunshine without sunglasses on. The scattered light will crucify you.

Swimming with sharks

A couple of hours from Dubai, and squeezed between the Hajar mountains, the Fujairah coastal road and the sea is the JAL resort hotel. We've just returned from a short four day holiday there.

First impressions are not favourable. The outside of the hotel is ugly (the Lonely Planet calls it 'a post-modern mish-mash') and the entrance nondescript. However, things improve once you get in. Our room was excellent and close to the pool and beach. It was also very quiet with no need to get up and reserve sunbeds (although that didn't stop some people).

Highlight of the trip was the snorkelling we all went on to Dibba Rock, just a few minutes ride offshore in a dinghy. Max wouldn't go in, but the other two both donned full snorkel equipment and were guided around the reef by our guide. He pointed out a reef shark, which I missed unfortunately. Lucy got worried by the appearance of the shark and went hastily back into the boat!

It was noticeable, especially at the weekends, that a lot of people take their maids with them to look after the kids. Some locals have one maid per child ...

Food was pretty good, although not cheap because you are a bit of a captive audience. The arabic restaurant was good (kids liked the belly dancer) and the teppanyaki Japanese restaurant excellent (even though the chef was called Pong).

Celebrity One-upmanship

Last Thursday we ate at an Indian Restaurant at the Madinat called Ushna which was, as usual, very good. My jaw dropped slightly when Greg Norman came and sat directly next to us on the next table. I mentioned it casually to my colleague at work this morning. He replied by saying that his parents were over visiting, also staying at the Madinat, and that they had bumped into George Clooney over the weekend!

My personal 'celebrity' tally in Dubai now runs to Peter Schmeichel at The Montgomerie golf club, Chris Eubanks in Starbucks, Johnny Herbert and Jean Alesi at the Autodrome. Our friend Jan has also notched up Frankie Dettori and Colin Montgomerie. I'm still keeping an eye out for Jim Davidson ...

Fireworks

A thick pall of black smoke hung over the city on Wednesday morning. A massive explosion in an illegal firework warehouse in the Al Quoz industrial area has already claimed 8 lives and caused chaos throughout the city. Schools were (pointlessly) evacuated and traffic was brought to a virtual standstill by rubber neckers.

There were more fireworks at the Dubai World Cup, the world's richest horse race and the premier social event of the year in Dubai. The hat shops certainly did well this week as Dubai's beautiful people preened themselves on the paddock lawns. I will remember it for ridiculous queues of over an hour to get in and an ugly scramble to get on the buses back to the car park and taxi rank afterwards. The fireworks were good though.

New traffic laws

With a great fanfare, new traffic laws were introduced at the beginning of the month. Fines have been increased and there is now a 'black points' system which means that you can lose your licence for a while. According to the Chief of Police the new system will reduce traffic accidents and make roads safer for motorists and pedestrians. However, the black points are not as bad as the UK point system and are even reset every year. For example, I'm ashamed to say that I have had 5 speeding fines in the past year from cameras. A couple of these are for travelling in excess of 100mph on my regular trip to Abu Dhabi. Believe me, it's not like I'm anywhere near the fastest on the road and the speed limit is 100mph. In the UK I would have received a ban. In the new system I wouldn't get any black points for these offences - just a 200 Dhs (30 quid) fine.

I've seen how much difference this new law has made in the Emirates. Precisely none. Idiotic driving carries on as normal. The worst crash since I've been here happened this morning. Over 200 cars involved in a huge pile up in fog on the way from Dubai to Abu Dhabi. 141 injuries and 8 fatalities. All depressingly familiar and predictable. This video gives an idea of the carnage.

Wrong kind of blow job

In a bad week, when I have been unable to shake off a cold, this story from the Gulf News made me laugh (for those not familiar with local laws, relationships with the opposite sex outside of wedlock is strictly forbidden).

Lovers exchange blows after man breaks wind
By Bassam Za'za', Senior
ReporterPublished: March 05, 2008, 00:36
Dubai: Two lovers are standing trial
for having an illicit relationship and exchanging blows after the man broke wind
while in bed.
The Dubai Public Prosecution charged the Asian man with having
consensual sex with his compatriot female who was also charged with allowing him
to sleep with her.
The duo, in their 20s, were also charged with hitting
each other.
The lovers who stood trial before the Dubai Court of Misdemeanour
on Tuesday confessed to having an illicit relation.
When the judge asked
them why they assaulted each other, the girl claimed that her lover broke wind
and they had a heated argument which degenerated into an assault.
The two
suspects, who are currently on bail, reported the fight to the police which
questioned them before forwarding them to the Public Prosecution.
A ruling
will be issued soon.

Warming Up

Six weeks without a blog entry. Not good. In my defence, we have been quite busy, but really there is no excuse - just laziness.

It has been, not to put too fine a point on it, quite chilly of late in the Emirates. I know this is hard to believe but we are just not prepared for any kind of sub 20 degree weather. I think it's a combination of no heating and having gone completely soft. I even had to go out and buy a jacket and have been forced into borrowing one of my wife's larger sweatshirts on a couple of occasions. Anyway, it seems to be warming up now and it's OK to sit out and eat in the evenings again.

This is a good time of year for sport in Dubai. We had the marathon (including a dire performance by me in the 10K), the Dubai Desert Classic (Tiger Woods amazing again) and the tennis championships. Ben had his own triumph at The Montgomerie Young Golfer Awards - out of over 100 kids he was voted 'Best dressed golfer'! He was absolutely thrilled. All we need now is for him to learn how to hit the ball!

We went to the Speedcar Championships at Dubai Autodrome featuring ex formula one stars Johnny Herbert and Jean Alesi. Thanks to some tenuous connection with school we got access all areas on the start grid before the race. Johnny Herbert was very chatty and put Max into his car.

A funny old week

There was an eerie silence to the main roads on Monday. The whole city came to a complete halt for the visit of George Bush.

Traffic came to a standstill for about nine hours on Monday with
arterial roads being blocked as part of security measures for US President
George W. Bush's visit to the city. Road diversion plans were changed without
any intimation, leaving thousands of motorists stationary. Many took between
five to eight hours to travel to their destinations

In the aftermath of the chaos caused by the George Bush visit came the heaviest rains ever recorded in Dubai (110mm) in January. Needless to say, the drains are designed for desert conditions and were completely overwhelmed.



I took over 3 hours to get to work yesterday. Many people never made it. Driving conditions were atrocious. Five people were killed and 500 accidents were reported by 10.00. I saw lots of people who obviously wished they hadn't driven their saloon cars into flooded roads.

The kids school closed due to water causing electrical short circuits and then the Ministry of Education announced that all schools would be shut be for the rest of the week (even though it has now stopped raining and most of the floodwater has gone!). Quite the strangest week I've had here.

Let's hear it for the President

George Bush was in Abu Dhabi yesterday and the Dubai police spent the day practicing closing roads.

A combination of heavy rain and rumours of mass road closures across the city for US president George W. Bush’s visit brought traffic to a standstill in Dubai on Sunday.

Frustrated motorists reported taking hours to get to and from work as confusion surrounding which and when roads would be closed led massive tailbacks on many roads across the city for much of the day.

Then, late in the afternoon, it was announced that today will be a public holiday. The whole economy brought to a standstill for a day so that one man can do a bit of sightseeing and have a cup of tea at the Burj al Arab...

More interesting yesterday was the news that the UAE has signed a deal with the French to build two nuclear reactors. In a country with enough oil and gas for a very long time to come this strikes me as being extremely odd.